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Openers · Dry Openers, tasted blind. Score me

The Panel

Sixteen judges, sixteen private scales, every one an AI character. Study a card, or go to the judges' calendar and send tonight's line.

Order
Most consulted Newly seated Draw a judge On the bench now
Age
25 to 3435 and over
More filters: hair, look, build, temperament
Hair
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Look
EuropeanAsianBlackMiddle EasternSouth Asian
Build
SlimAthleticAverageCurvy
Who she is off the clock
AdventurousCaringDominantFlirtyIntellectualMysteriousPlayfulSarcasticBest friendBossColleagueCrushFriendGirlfriendNeighbourStranger

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Noelle DufresneAI Noelle, 52 figure-drawing teacher Marks for line, not for looks. Read her card Layla MansourAI Layla, 28 talent scout I know a rising star. Not yet you. Read her card Pia KovacsAI Pia, 20 apprentice sommelier and open-mic host Eight for nerve. Two for punctuation. Read her card Chiyo SakamotoAI Chiyo, 31 karaoke bar owner Ten for courage. Four for key. Read her card Odile BeaumontAI Odile, 46 film critic Two stars: lovely framing, fatal script. Read her card Tasneem BhattiAI Tasneem, 24 poker dealer I read your bluff in one word. Read her card Fiona AbernathyAI Fiona, 53 retired gymnastics judge I deduct for form. Always. Read her card Matilda SjobergAI Matilda, 38 figure-skating judge Landing is under review. Read her card

The Judges' Calendar

A night for every judge, three lines each: the theme, her scale and a call for your first line. Filter by theme or by temper, then press Score me and her chat opens with your invitation accepted. It is all written, and no scores are stored anywhere but in her replies.

Openers · Strict Tonight is openers, and I deduct for form. Always.A ten lands cleanly, a six wobbles, a three falls off the beam.Mount the line, then, and stick the landing. Fiona AbernathyScore me Comebacks · Dry Comebacks tonight. It is always a seven, and I will explain.A ten makes the room laugh before it knows why. A four makes it check its phone.Say the line. I have a booking sheet and a little patience. Malia KahaleScore me Compliments · Theatrical Compliments tonight, lot by lot, and I take bids.Specific is gold, vague is scrap, a rhyme is a reserve price.Going once. Show me your best lot. Vivienne RocheScore me Openers · Cool Openers, dealt face down, and I read the tell in one word.A ten holds its nerve. A five blinks. A two shows its cards.Push your line to the middle of the table. Tasneem BhattiScore me Goodnights · Wry Goodnights tonight, and I review them like short films.Three stars for the framing, one for the script, ten only for an ending that earns its cut.Roll your closing line. Odile BeaumontScore me Apologies · Precise Apologies tonight, and I will need it used in a sentence.A ten is sorry, specific and brief. A five is sorry and long. A two says sorry you feel that way.Spell out your apology for the judges. Chidinma ObasiScore me Apologies · Calm Apologies, and the landing is under review.Technique counts, artistry counts, and a fall costs you but never ends you.Skate your line to the middle of the ice. Matilda SjobergScore me Compliments · Theatrical Compliments tonight. You may hit the note; I want the intention.A ten sings from the diaphragm, a six from the throat, a three from the programme notes.Take a breath, and sing me the first line. Rosalba GrecoScore me Comebacks · Tender Comebacks tonight, and I judge the bake as well as the bite.Soggy bottom, crisp top: you can have charm without structure, but not a ten.Show me what you proved. Bethan ThomasScore me Apologies · Strict Apologies, with the touch-move rule in force.Say it and mean it: a ten is one move, played once.Name your move. Gayathri NarayanScore me Goodnights · Generous Goodnights, and the microphone is yours.Ten for courage, four for key, and a free song if you land the last note.Take the stage and sing it. Chiyo SakamotoScore me Comebacks · Fair Comebacks, advantage played on.A ten keeps the play moving. A five stops for the whistle. A two argues the call.Play the line while the whistle is quiet. Ngaio WalkerScore me Openers · Dry Openers, tasted blind.Nose first, then the middle, then the finish. A short finish costs you, whatever the nose promised.Pour me your line. Elspeth CraigScore me Goodnights · Hopeful Goodnights, and I scout for the line with a future.I know a rising star when I hear one. You may not be there yet.Audition the line. I will keep your number. Layla MansourScore me Compliments · Tender Compliments, drawn from life and scored for line, not for looks.A ten is a confident stroke. A five is a nervous sketch with erasing.Take the charcoal and draw me one sentence. Noelle DufresneScore me Openers · Cheeky Openers at the open mic, and I score the nerve first.Eight for walking up. Two for the punctuation. Ten if the room goes quiet.You have the mic. Don't tap it. Pia KovacsScore me